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a not-so-hateful post LOL

it sucks to be in the middle… it’s a hard and tedious way of splitting yourself into two… but neither parties try to make me come over their side… thank god for that.. knowing 2 sides of the story can be really confusing because their minds are NOT going in the same direction… and hence i am here trying to figure out why the hell everybody’s acting this way…

i do admit i was really really upset with all the hate posts… but i’m not blaming you guys for publishing your anger… hehe.. i do that too.. well, sometimes… ok!! most of the time… LOL… but one specific reply stuck to my head which broke my heart into a million pieces and i felt i was backstabbed and pierced through the heart a million times

well here’s why..

  1. we did have a talk and hoped that you understand
  2. im still pissed, sad and depressed of what you told me
  3. i was envious on how you were easily forgiven…

but anyway… sometimes you say the right things and sometimes what you say can hurt… but im not complaining… at least we’re still there for each other when the time/need arises…

anyway, my personal replies:

to the first blogger: i love how you care for the block.. but seriously, when i read the first part of your blog, i thought you were pertaining to another person… sorry for being slow.. eeeeep… and while i was reading it, i can hear your voice narrating in the background!!! wahahahaha… define napakaganda ng imagination ko… and you were really harsh about this which makes me think that you hated the person from the beginning… and which i think is a right guess… and i just need to verify the “why” part… ohohohohoho!!

to the person who was linked by the first blogger: harsh.. fierce.. burning.. too committed to bestfriend which is admirable.. hehe.. now i’m curious as to how the person explained those things to you guys and why you’re all acting this way.. i’m supposed to be there too you know.. hehe.. but i’m glad that you’ve calmed down now.. i kind of noticed your irritation towards the person while we were eating lunch, remember? hehehe.. and i am kind of afraid that you guys will hate on me too just because i still choose to be a friend of that person.. i’m happy that you still let me be a friend of that person… but you used to be a friend of that person and i dunno why you’re mad.. hehehe… i have this thought in my mind that what that person did was at least directed towards you.. if it was told to anyone else outside, omgeee (ok, sorry.. promise last na talaga toh… define inggitera na ba ko?? T__T)..

to the person they’re hating on: hi friend!! LOL.. ok ka pa ba?? ikaw kasi, inggitera ka rin.. hahahaha.. wag mo muna sirain buhay mo… helptd you naman! hahaha.. anyways, since tapos na naman ang issue na toh, it’s probably hard for them to take you back again since what you did really upset them which is understandable but their emotions are weirdly strong.. which still brings me back to the point that it’s not the first time they hated you.. awch, harsh.. T—T but anyways, i still believe you’re a nice person.. a little bit weird but just enough to make me sane in this insanely world of ours.. and i still think you’re one of the few persons who knows me well.. so i can’t let go of you yet.. hehehe.. and of course it’s also since the other person who supposedly knows me well already became a person whom another person knows him well.. jealous much? but it’s ok, i still have u and my bespernd.. plus i have my significant person now and let’s hide him under the name xchn (eeep, me and my poor naming skills.. and he doesn’t know what i’ll tell him later! nyahaha)..

to the person who supposedly knows me well: bonus lang.. hehe.. i didn’t know you were sad and depressed which makes me go back to the point that you don’t tell me stuff anymore.. plus.. didn’t you realize i was supposed to be there too.. i know you’re not mad at what happened but i for once thought that you will use our contract.. but you did not.. which is fine by me.. but a bit disappointing.. and i do admit that (word vomit alert!) i was pissed and hurt that you didn’t tell me that you told someone else about the same time as when you told me which brings me to the point on how you may not really consider me as your closest friend and i feel as if u just used the contract to keep my lips sealed.. (end of word vomit).. hahaha.. me and my mood swings.. sorry… pero ok na ngeon.. hehehe… ^-^

define ngeon ko lang xa ipupublish… LOL… this was so yesterday but nvrmnd… kunwari pre-Valentine’s day post… wahahahaha… kasi late ko na rin naman nabasa ung mga posts.. hehe.. define outdated na kasi ako… wahahahaha…. luv u friends!! sana wala away-away.. tampuhan ok lang.. hehehehe..

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Year End Post

2008 was full of laughter and new beginnings… I met new and not so new boybands, watched them grow and gain popularity inside and outside their country… I temporarily said goodbye to SJM as they pursued their dreams into being internationally well known… but i still love Donghae!! ^___^ he will always be number one in my heart… I’ve finished my first year in college and continued on to my second year… i’ve joined OMAKE and aCAMPella, an anime and choir org respectively… i met a very special person… i gained a bespernd… 2008 surely is a very happy year for me…

this coming 2009, i expect harder subjects, stricter professors, hectic schedules with org meetings here and there, longer lists of books to read, and migraines to come… but on top of all these, there will be a stronger bond in my family as well as with my friends and special friend… happier occassions to celebrate… and many experiences to share.. i hope that 2009 will be the next episode of the beginnings that i’ve had in 2008… and with all of the people around me, for smiles to appear on each of their faces this coming year…

a HAPPY AND BLESSED NEW YEAR to all!! ^______^


  1. study harder and get a “one”
  2. get taller lose weight
  3. grow my hair to waist length again
  4. be more organized
  5. save money
  6. buy a SHINee, DBSK, and Super Junior cd (their next album)
  7. buy SM Town cd (which will be released some time this year)
  8. be active in my organizations (and to not quit)
  9. be faithful and loyal (one member per boyband LOL)
  10. always thank my parents and cedric and the people around me
  11. always remember that God is the center of everything
  12. enjoy life!

PIC SPAM of my idols!!

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this video is so AMAZING!!! hahaha.. and you all know that Jonghyun is my current fave… but i like all of them… but it’s just that KEY really OWNED this video!!! that rap part of his and his half smexy smiles that’s in between shy and hot… LOL!!! when i first heard this song, i wasn’t really sure if i’d like it coz it sounded unlike SHINee’s LLO and NYSP(Replay)… But then i watched their first performance from Inkigayo and they OWNED the stage!!! and they’re such good dancers and that TAEMIN… oh my gad, don’t get me started on that boy… coz aaaaarggghhhh…. he’s freaking 3 years younger than me!!!! and so is Yamada Ryosuke… and what’s with people born in 1993???? they’re all grabbing my attention… even Sohee from Wonder Girls is getting my attention… and she’s from 1993 too!!!

but anyway, i watched that Inkigayo performance and i was like HAJIMAN SEXY~~!!!! ahaha.. that KEY can sure grab my attention… i can’t seem to remove that particular line off my head… but TAEMIN’s bowl cut VANISHED!!! in one night, he became this almighty god that looked so COOL!!! and at one point i even thought he had this resemblance to Miura Haruma (finally someone from my year 1990!!!) who was in Gokusen 3 and Koizora (i LOVE this movie!!!!) and 14 year old mother… hahaha… but anyway… TAEMIN really blew me off!!! And their dance break is way beyond awesome!!! *sigh* no words can even portray how much i’m so into this song… but here’s their first inkigayo perf… i remember people from soompi and (“Your #1 source for all things SHINee”) were spazzing so much… and people from (SHINee Philippines) were really happy… ^_____^

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When i gained the title of second bestfriend..

i’m pissed… and upset.. and disappointed.. and i’m FRUSTRATED!!!

a few minutes ago, i was talking to you… i know you’ve already changed your priorities ever since you got her.. i know i’ve said this to you a countless times.. “the best friend should become the second best friend”… gawd, i got that quote from Gossip Girl… and i kept on telling that to you so she’d feel special… hahaha.. so i know what i should do… i know my limits and your expectations of me.. but i didn’t know that it would feel this way when you actually said that to me..

well, yeah.. of course it came to me as a surprise when you suddenly asked if we could talk about a serious matter… and i kinda know where the talk would lead us… but i just let you talk and see how it goes… haha.. and surprise! surprise! i didn’t know hearing those words from you really put me to shame.. i know i kept nagging and asking you to show yourself to me.. but of course, that’s all because i miss my bestfriend.. i can’t express that now? *sigh* okay..

bottom line: i’m hurt.. i expected this anyway.. having a special someone really requires you to adjust to certain things which also means that i have to adjust with you too.. no more small talks.. no more last-minute gimmicks.. no more “me just dragging you along”.. no more kulitan.. no more late night calls which lasts for hours! yeah.. i’m gonna miss that..

well, i’m sure gonna miss a lot of things from now on… but above all of this, you’re still my bestfriend.. i want you to be happy.. (*eh? i sound like a mother T__T*) and whatever your decisions are, i’m gonna support you all the way.. and when you have problems, i’m still gonna be here.. haha.. i won’t throw our years of friendship away.. don’t worry..

but of course, i need some time to redigest things and adjust.. i have to condition this poor brain of mine to your liking.. haha.. isn’t it too hard to have a bestfriend like me who is such a drama queen??? *hahaha* but yeah.. we have a scripted tampuhan starting now which will last for a week.. so i won’t talk to you.. haha.. so that the next time we meet, i won’t be too clingy anymore..

you won’t be around forever.. so i need to be independent and stop relying on you too much.. haha.. but i promise that after this week long “tampo”, i’d be back to my normal self with adjustments included.. haha.. so let me be angry/mad right now… haha.. but you know i can’t stay mad at you for too long.. T___T

P.S. i don’t hate her.. and i’m not mad at her.. haha… where did you get such an idea??? she’s my friend! haha..

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thnx pare

a short thank you letter for my pare… haha…

dear pare,

thank you…

yours truly,


buhahahaha!!! nababangag talaga ako… anyway thanx talaga pare… kapag depressed ako lagi ka nandyan… haha… congrats na rin pala pare..


anyway, thnx for the call… dunno why pero cguro sa sobrang depression, tapos biglang nakarinig ako ng super caring ng voice, naiyak tuloy ako.. haha.. T_T ang weak ko kasi… lalo na kapag keong mga dayzer people ang kausap ko… hehe… thnx talaga pare… dahil xeo, nadivert ang attention ko… pwamis di na ko madedepress abt that topic anymore.. haha…

thnx ulet pare… ^_^

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4 months before my bday

haayyy… i can’t believe that im turning 18 in less than 4 months… precisely 3 months and 2 weeks… ahahaha… im so happy since my parents gave me a chance to celebrate my bday the way i want it to be… and as early as now, i want to thank them for their undying support.. especially to my brother who is always there even if we always tend to have a row whenever we talk…

my parents and my bro went to batangas this morning told me a very good news… my grandfather’s brother was informed that i was saving money for my upcoming bday and he gave me an early present to help me with my financial problems… hahaha…. im sooo happy…

that’s all people… i just wanted to share how happy i am to know how supportive my relatives are regarding my bday… ^_^

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heavendenied aka CIELO in GIF

<a href=”; title=”GIF animations generator”><img src=”; alt=”GIF animations generator” border=”0″ /></a><br /><a href=””>GIF animations generator</a>

it seems that my embedding is not working again.. T_T

Link here

ahaha.. Francine posted this as a comment in my friendster account and i was like O_O THAT’s ME!!! hahaha… i guess she can be obsessed with some things easily… i remember when she made a video about me in sepia… LOL… now that is called “loving your friends too much”… haha.. but hey, i love this girl.. she makes me smile all the time… and even though she can be irritating at times (because she talks and talks like there’s no tomorrow and can easily get hyper at the worst possible moment e.g. when crushies are around) she truly is a very reliable girl who would always be there for you and try not to break her promises…

LOL.. and i do realize that she typed “STOLEN MY SOUL STOLEN MY HEART” in the GIF… that’s an excerpt from my fave DBSK song “TONIGHT”… hahaha.. i remember singing the song all the time that even she knows the song already.. though i wish she typed something closer to Donghae (of Super Junior) though… ^_^ i believe that Donghae is still number one in my heart… with the other SuJu members in number 2… and then followed by DBSK and then SHINee!!!! nyahahahaha… and then we also have FT Island and i think im gonna stop enumerating boybands now… haha..

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reuniting with the girls

yesterday.. i was planning on hanging out at my cousin’s dorm near our school.. but here comes a text message from two of my bestfriends saying:

text: “vacant mo ba? and2 kme sa rob manila.”

my reply: “vacant ako hanggang 4.. asan keo? dyan lang keo~”

text: “jollibee.. bilisan mo.”

and there ends my sweet relaxation on my cousin’s bed.. T_T anyway.. i would be able to see my bestfriends again from highschool.. the last time we’ve seen each other was more than a month ago… hehe.. so yeah, we were all excited to know about the latest gossips.. hahaha… but of course i think they just wanted to visit me since im so miserable nowadays.. refer to my previous post if u wanna know why… haha…

anyway, we finally finished juicing out information from each other which includes acads and love live, etc… of course i won’t go into details since it’s too personal.. LOL~~ but the thing that bothered me was when one of them told me that when one of my friends from highschool was having complicated love life probs [i was on her side though coz im her friend], i was included in the talk/gossip… apparently, someone [who was gossiping about me and my friend] said a statement that im SOOO not liking… it was something like “tama yan, magsama sila ng kaibigan niya.. pareho silang nang-aagaw..” which can be roughly translated to [accdg to my comprehension] them referring to me and my friend as someone who steals their lovelife/love interest…

hmm.. yeah, im not too excited in learning about it since that was more than a year ago already.. but of course i can’t just forget that someone actually said that against me… haayyyy… that actually makes me upset… oh well… i don’t think that i did steal him… he came to me, right? or did i just misinterpreted the message and thought that he likes only me… oh gawd… im sooooo dense if that is true… oh well… past is past…

and i have to raise up my grades if i want to go to med school~~~ -_-

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My First Blog.. rediscovered!

Dreaming Heaven

LOL!!! im sooo into heaven stuff.. probably it’s because my name actually means heaven.. ahahaha.. anyway… goddess of water?? hmm… since water is my element, i guess that’s why i named the link like that.. but anyways.. i googled my name and found this old blog of mine.. so i tried hard to remember my password… and yay.. i actually guessed it right.. it was xeyubells… oh damn memories… T_T

ok.. so it’s not really my first blog but it’s the first blog that i’ve posted more than 5 entries coz believe me or not, most of my blogs don’t last long since i always fail to update them… so basically, i decided to come visit it.. and VOILA!! look at what i’ve found… it’s my writings from fourth year when i was still with someone… so yeah, i guess all the memories came flooding my mind… and it’s just 3 days since i finally declared myself cast away from his shadow of not moving on.. well, hey, i did say that i’ve moved on but deep down, i know i can’t just move on to another guy… so yeah.. basically i’ve been turning down some friendship offers from here and there.. and i sometimes feel so sad that i can’t just forget about him and my stupid idea of him and me (wrong grammar! T_T) together again.. so reichu texted him one day and i wasn’t really that sure on what they were talking about but i read one of his replies that said “reichu… matagal na ko nakapagmove on kay *toot*…” (reichu.. it’s been a long time since i’ve moved on from *toot*) or something close to that… hahaha.. so yeah… i guess, i’ll just REALLY move on like him??? i think??

so yeah… i read and read and read my blog posts..

oh fine.. two of my bestfriends lectured me and told me to not read it anymore… T_T but i can’t help it… sorry… T_T so i read…


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